As I’ve mentioned before on this site, I suffer from depression. I was officially diagnosed 26 years ago at the age of 27. I’ve been on medication for years. I share this now, because it has often driven many decisions in my life. A lot related to work and stress. This year, it has been visited on occasion by its friend anxiety. This is something back in the day when it was particularly bad, I would get medicine for as well. Unfortunately, the medicine I took is one that doctors don’t like to give out as much as they used to so I’ve had to try and learn alternative methods for dealing with anxiety. I don’t drink anymore, haven’t for 15 years amazingly, but have transferred some of my bad behaviors to eating. Mostly sugar. Before this pandemic, I went to the gym for the last 5 years, and it had helped. Since March though I haven’t been to a gym and I have fallen severely off the work-out routine. Amazingly my weight has not gone up by much, but even with 5 years of working out, I am still rather overweight. I only mention this because it is something I would like to fix, but have been incredibly challenged by my entire life.
My GOD this year is exhausting. This past week I worked full-time. I have been working reduced hours since the pandemic in an effort to help save my employer some money. To be honest, I’m happy to do it because the reduced hours help keep me sane and addressing my day to day Mom and wife chores. Not that they seem like chores, I just handle everything a bit better when I have a little extra time. But this past week we had a shortage of people so I had to assist in the Post Office on campus. I wasn’t much help unfortunately as I didn’t know all the procedures, but it was nice to get a different view of what is going on. Of course the reason I was there was because the gentleman who runs the post office was out as his wife had just passed away. The person who was the main back-up had to go to Mississippi since his mother was ill. Neither of these were related to Covid either.
I keep dreaming of living somewhere else this year. Realistically, I can’t due to things like family and work, but if I could New Zealand or Ireland would be my top picks. But I need a job as would my hubby and I don’t want to leave the Bay Area until my Mom passes. But still, America isn’t what it used to be. Trump and his racist followers have made it a disgrace. California, my family’s home for 5 generations is on fire in a way I have never seen. The air quality reminds me of Los Angeles in the 70s. These are not good days. I’m grateful mind you, for my family and our health. I’m closer to my brother and his family as he helps looking out for Mom in so many ways right now. But I’ll tell you, if there were a way to go elsewhere, I would strongly consider it.
After November though. I need to vote. Try to fix this madness in one small way. But I swear those who feel the same need to come out in droves. I sincerely believe the freedom and democracy of this country hinge on this election. If Trump wins, which I still think could happen, we will devolve into a darker place. If he loses, the next few months will be rocky as well, but there will be an end game. Dear God, please make my fellow country members see the light and vote Blue. I want a country that follows science again. One that keeps church and state separate as the constitution meant them to be. The fact that this is even up for discussion shows me how far we have tumbled in the last four years. So much repair is going to be needed and lots of work to make sure we don’t falter like this again. I’m all for the progressives out there, believe me, but we need to bring everyone along and that is why we still seem to have a white guy in the fight instead of a woman, person of color, or a woman who is a person of color! But please, let us hit this next hurdle and clear it. Then prepare for the next and the next.
I want my daughter to have a world where she isn’t afraid to have kids if she wants. Right now, if the world were like this when she came into my life, I don’t know that I would have looked to have a child. This is not the world I want for her right now. Time to get to work, again!