Generally, I try to keep my posts positive. The last one I actually posted was on May 31st. That makes this post the first for June which is somewhat unusual for me. The past almost 4 weeks have included the end of the school year, the beginning of summer camp, a dance recital, a job interview, various appointments and of course the daily barrage of crappy news media. I suspect whatever your political alignment, it is exhausting. I will freely admit I lean left. Technically I’m Independent because I have issues with both parties. These last couple of weeks though have really had me wondering where is the America I know. My America is far from perfect. It has its arguments but at least it has a government that represents all the people. The current problem in our government is issues aren’t being brought to the floor of Congress to be addressed. The other thing that is extremely distressing to me is the way we are treating people who have come to this country for a better life. I’ll admit I am far from having all the answers. There is so much information and sorting through it to get to the truth gets more and more challenging. I don’t expect anyone to just throw open our borders and let everyone in. I just don’t understand why we have to split people up who come here.
I think of my own relatives who came in the 1800s fleeing the famine in Ireland. I think of my 9-year-old daughter and what lengths I would go to if a gang was trying to traffic her. I think of how my father used to joke that he was “liberal” when he dated an Italian girl in the 1940s and here I married a man of Italian descent. That hardly makes me liberal! I think of visiting family who have complained in places where they say things like “why can’t they speak English?” I wish I could speak another language. If I moved somewhere where I had to speak a language other than English I would be so excited to have friends who also spoke my language.
I have a hard time understanding how people can be so myopic and not see themselves in the situations that so many of our ancestors struggled through at one time or another to get here. I find it hard to celebrate the upcoming 4th of July with all of this. It is hard to cheer on a country that I don’t recognize right now. I miss having conversations with people I disagree with. To learn more about why they feel the way they do. People don’t look for the things in common these days. They look for the differences.
I miss not having social media. I’m grateful I didn’t have it growing up. I like seeing posts online from friends I don’t see anymore, but I miss the fun of the early days where we shared pictures and restaurants not where the latest protest or town hall meeting will be. Back when things were a bit… slower? Where we had to read the paper to find out what the President had to say. Where the news came on 2, maybe 3 times a day not every minute.
I miss waking up in the morning and not being afraid to find out who we have pissed off now. I mean daily this is an issue. Not once a week or month, but daily.
I’m far from perfect. I found out a facility that turns out is holding 2 kids who have been separated from parents at the border, was in my hometown. When I first found out I went on one of my newsgroups to see if others knew or if it was an office for an organization that allegedly is housing 50% of the refugees that have entered our country from the south. When I found out kids lived there, who were probably going through one of the most traumatic experiences in their life, I felt like a jerk. I had helped “out” this facility because of a name of a company. Now I have to try to be more judicious with my posts because in today’s world anything can be a call to action and that isn’t always a good thing.
I’m exhausted. I want to stick my head in the sand and have it all go away. But this is my world, my country, my city. I have to participate to get it back to what I know it can be. A safe, welcoming place, that allows differences, but doesn’t use it against others.
I feel you SIL. It’s completely exhausting. My level of anxiety about everything keeps rising and my cortisol stabilizing supplements, are only partially effective. Your brother believes I should stop reading so much news. And I agree, taking mental heath breaks are important, but also seems a bit selfish, and irresponsible in a situation that can turn Weimar Republic on a dime.
I suppose I feel more vulnerable being in that gray zone of being POC. That wonderful yet awful gray zone of being mixed race where you sort of fit anywhere yet not really everywhere. Will I be next? Will my status of citizen born abroad just like John McCain suffice in fascist America, or will my non-white status mean I’m subject to being rounded up. Will Jack and Vi pass? Will our financial status save us? Is that right and fair? No it is not right. It’s not fair.
It’s wrong. It’s all wrong. Deeply and profoundly wrong. And it makes me terribly and desperately sad for our country. But I’m expected to buck up and smile, never show vulnerability. You’re messed up in the head if you care, if you’re bothered. Silent compliance is a killer. Yet I’m not supposed to make waves. It’s not my family being rounded up, so what does it matter? Only I can shake the feeling that I’m next.