Well it didn’t happen. The procedure for my Mom, didn’t happen. Turns out the doctors didn’t want to go through with it. I can’t blame them once the details were explained; at least what we know. Still it means our time left is possibly a bit more limited than originally estimated. Don’t get me wrong. Mom has had a great run. Overall not a lot of major health issues. But seems at 97, things have caught up and it will be pretty remarkable if she makes 98. That is old. Still, when it is your Mom, it doesn’t really make it any easier.
My Dad passed when I was 22. I was in my senior year of college. He was ill for a brief period of time but when you live through it, it can seem like an age. We had round the clock care. I was living at home. That hole you feel when you get information about someone who has always been a part of your life and isn’t going to be with you again? That is what I felt today finding out the cards Mom was dealt. My brother was there. I wasn’t because of the pandemic, only one visitor per patient per day. Today I had to work. But when my brother called me around 2:45, everything kind of stopped. I stepped outside because I couldn’t think at my desk. I had to be away.
Now I just want to spend time with her. Tomorrow we both will go over to see what Mom wants to do. She is home already. She was discharged after the news. She wants to get her hair done of course. Saturday, my brother will drive back to LA. It has been wonderful having him here through this, but we need to move to the next part. I want to leave work and help my Mom, but that isn’t realistic, and probably not what she would want, though I will ask.
Right now though, I can’t sleep. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m numb. Most of all though I just can’t sleep.