Author: acme

I feel a little badly. I meant to write a post about the wonderful week I spent in Kenwood with my husband, daughter, brother and his family. We were able to get a respite from the pandemic by renting a home with a large pool on two acres. It was amazingly relaxing and soothing to my soul. I hung out with my favorite people! We ate and swam and I watched old episodes of “The West Wing” on Netflix. I read some too. My daughter got to play with her cousins who are 7 and 12. We ate cheese, fruit, had amazing meals and pretended for just awhile, that things were normal. The property was gated and off a country road. We picked blackberries. My sister in law baked pancakes, my husband grilled shrimp and steak. It was a joyful week of family.

Two weeks later we are grateful we went when we did as fire season has now come into full swing. We are home, staying inside mostly as a number of wildfires are burning in many Bay Area counties. Even my old alma mater University of California at Santa Cruz has had to evacuate due to wild fires. My husband has taken to saying what else could happen, though I ask him not to say that as I feel it a bit of tempting the fates these days. I don’t need anymore once in a lifetime events happening.

Today we went by my daughter’s school to pick up supplies to start the new school year. I continue to be grateful she is at a small private school which can provide Chromebooks and online learning. We had initially prepared for going back to in person learning with having her class of 36 split into two cohorts of 18. That unfortunately fell by the wayside when the county we live in was put on a watchlist in California. One we are still waiting to come off.

We took a picture of her and two of her closest friends all masked up. They ran into each other having pick-up times scheduled near each other. It is sad to see them all in masks separated without their arms slung around each other as they have been in years past. But this is our new normal.

With the smoke in the air we didn’t linger, but waved to friends arriving to shepherd their children to various classrooms. One by one picking up the supplies for another year. I have to admit, I’m feeling terribly sad about this today. I miss my child having the opportunity to be in a classroom with her 35 other classmates. I do understand though and am eternally grateful to have her attend a school that not only looks out for the students but the teachers as well.

Meanwhile I continue to work for the small liberal arts college I work for remotely. Some students are back, but this semester for them will be mostly online as well. We do have students living in the dorms, but at a rate of less than half the normal occupancy. Students are one to a room. I go in on Thursdays and saw the women’s soccer team running drills, masked and apart from one another. It is all so surreal. I pray the college survives this. It is particularly challenging all the requirements, massive decrease in revenue, as well as daily changes to guidance from various sources. So many are trying so hard to keep it all going. What else can one do?

Meanwhile my 96 year old mother slipped and fractured her wrist. She had to go get an X-ray of her wrist and knowing she would have to be quarantined again for going out, arranged to see her hair dresser as she knows she won’t be able to wash her hair for 6-8 weeks. That has gotten her in trouble at her residence, so now my brother and I are dealing with that. Honestly, the eleven year old is easier to manage than my 96 year old mother. But God bless her, she will not go down without a fight.

I wish I knew the message all this is supposed to be teaching me. I’m working on patience. I guess I just need more. Stay tuned…

My brother drove into town last night. Our Mom’s birthday is Monday and we are going to bring her over to my house to have a small celebration, give her a change of scenery, and just be together. My Mom turns 96 on Monday. She has been in her retirement community since the Shelter in Place started on March 16th. She had gone out for a couple of hair appointments back in March and then again recently, but that has pretty much been it. That and doctor appointments, which thankfully are few. Her retirement community has imposed a 14 day quarantine to any resident who goes offsite and comes back. It doesn’t matter if it is for a doctor appointment or hair appointment. You are supposed to self-quarantine for 14 days. To this end she isn’t supposed to have visitors but we asked if we could bring her over to my home. They said fine. We could even go to her room if we pass the temperature check and masking rules. But only one of us could go. We agreed knowing she would be back in quarantine afterward.

So the project to break my Mom out is underway. I have to say though, it is so nice to have my brother come stay with us. He didn’t bring his wife and kids. We are going to see them in August and we thought it probably a bit safer just to have Mom visit the four of us.

My brother was the first person, outside my daughter and husband, that I have physically touched in 4 months. We gave each other a light hug. We had dinner and he was his charming self. My brother is very sharp and can tell a great story. He lives an interesting life and always regales us with his latest adventures. Living in LA there never seems to be a shortage of stories to tell.

I have been looking forward to this visit for weeks but tried very hard not to get my hopes up because we were afraid of too many things that could go wrong. Fortunately, my brother was able to drive from Santa Monica to our home in the East Bay without stopping. I think he broke the land speed record at 5 hours 7 minutes too. We even went to get coffee together this morning after he went for a run and I went for a walk. It was great. I’m so grateful I have a brother that I truly love and enjoy being around. He is the only person in this world who knows what it is like to grow up in our family. Our father used to remind us as kids, “When your mother and I are gone, you will only have each other.” We thankfully also both have our own families now, but we understood even as kids what our dad meant. There is only one person in this world who witnessed first hand what our family was. I’m grateful to say my Dad did succeed in getting that message across. I’m grateful we both listened to it too.

So off he goes to get Mom. He will help her with some computer upgrades, bring over a printer she isn’t using, and deliver this most precious person to us. He is looking forward to grabbing a sandwich at a deli in Marin he likes. It is amazing right now how much these little things mean. A favorite sandwich, a family visit, good weather so we can sit outside. The pandemic is certainly helping us remember where our priorities should be. While our nation struggles and our national “leadership” obfuscates, I’m grateful that at least, I can still visit with my family. I don’t expect us to do much. Just sit outside and talk. Right now, that experience is something money just can’t buy.

So in preparation for visiting my soon to be 96 year old mother, I went to get a Covid test. I had called my primary care physician last week to schedule it. My care provider has a drive through testing site near my home. I made an appointment and showed up. There were two cars in front of me. I was 10-15 minutes early. When my turn came up, one person came to the passenger side of my car and held up a card asking for my ID card. I showed it to them. They took the information and went over to a table that seemed to have the individual kits for each patient being tested. When the car in front of me finished they waved me forward. A person fully gowned, with face mask, face shield and gloves, had me roll down my window. They told me that they would first swab my throat. I had experienced this before for strep throat and it was the same sort of experience. Then they told me to mask my mouth but keep my nose outside the mask. I was asked to lean back and the technician told me to “relax and slowly breathe through my mouth”. This was while she inserted a long skinny pipe-cleaner tipped wire up my nose. I swear I was ready for it to come out through my tonsils. She stopped, said she had to try again. So back to it. I couldn’t help but cough incessantly while the technician was plying my nasal cavity for whatever germy thing they look for. She finished that side. “Now for the other.” This I did not expect. I did not expect to get both nostrils swabbed, but here I was. She went up my right nostril to the point I had to pull back. “I think I got it.” Good I thought because I did not need to do that again. I rolled up my window and drove off. I feel like my face is stuck in that look you have when you smell something disgusting. But over the hour since my test, my face has slowly returned to normal.

I swear those people who don’t wear masks, will be really upset when nurses start swabbing their nostrils and worse, intubating them should they end up with this disease. I’ll take the mask any day, thank you very much.

The fourth of July holiday has come and gone. We were able to barbeque on the 5th with one family, but otherwise, it was a pretty quiet fourth. Unfortunately, the isolation is really starting to take its toll on our eleven year old. She really misses her friends. We have, to date, let her play with 3 separate friends whose families have been rather strict. She really can’t wait for school to start which right now, looks like will be primarily half days in person and half days online. We are happy with this because she really needs the social part of school. We are nervous too though, as we suspect this is when Covid may finally hit a bit closer to home. But this will be August.

For July, we are preparing for my Mom’s 96th birthday. Mom lives in a retirement community of over 300 people. She has her own one bedroom apartment, but has been rather isolated since March. She is able to get her mail, and walk on the terraces in her community, but they have not been allowed to go out or have visitors. If they do, they immediately need to quarantine in home for 14 days. After her hair salon reopened after 3 months, it was the first thing she was off to do. When she returned she was reminded she had to go into quarantine in her apartment for two weeks. She has been sneaking out at night around 8:00 PM to exercise, i.e. walk around on the terraces. She finds no one is around then so figures she is safe. She still has the mask just in case.

My brother has been trying to help her get other meals from outside her community. The dinners are particularly problematic it seems. She had a burger recently from a favorite restaurant and was ecstatic. Another delivery from another establishment turned out to be very problematic. The situation has been very hit and miss. My brother and I are concerned because she has lost a lot of weight. Due to osteoporosis she has shrunk at least 3-4 inches from her original 5’6″ height. She now weighs 110 pounds which is probably 20-30 pounds less than what she should be.

This week I’m going to get a Covid test to try and ensure that I’m okay to see her for her 96th birthday that is coming up. I usually see her a few times a month but haven’t seen her since February. We have done online calls but I want to let her come visit us for her birthday. The plan is my brother will come up and stay with us in our home. He and I will then go get her so she can come over to our house and hang out. We will feed her some good food and just be with each other. The one thing this shelter in place has truly taught me is the value of family and friends. We have had to stay away from friends but now, I hope to spend some quality time with my Mom. We will drive her home after visiting so she can sleep in her own bed. I’m hoping this all goes well and she in turn stays well.

I’ll post here Wednesday after my test. I’m going into work for the last time tomorrow morning and then for the next few weeks will strictly be working from home. Fingers crossed this all goes well.

This is something we have come to say a lot in these days of a pandemic. School is out. My daughter is home. My husband and I are both still working from home. Camps are mostly online. I had a fleeting thought of putting my child in one, but she wouldn’t know any of the kids. We have very tentatively opened our circle to two friends and their kids. My daughter has a friend in each of these families. One an only child like mine, the other the eldest of three. Both sets of parents are rather conservative about our interactions with others so we have felt pretty comfortable. We actually had one family over and the kids all played together while we sat and chatted. It was wonderful to look at people face to face.

Meanwhile my Mom, who turns 96 this July, is under house arrest of sorts at her retirement community. The community has instigated rules that require anyone who goes out to quarantine in their apartment for 14 days afterwards. I understand it as her community of 300+ are those most vulnerable. The management doesn’t want someone getting sick and killing off a quarter of the residents.

We have tried to convince my mother to make a hair appointment (she misses this most apparently) and then my brother or I could come get her. She could stay with us for a long weekend. We could make her some meals that she might enjoy (she isn’t a fan of the food at her facility). Then we would take her back and after the socializing, she could shut down for two weeks. She doesn’t want to go for it. My brother and I think it makes sense but she currently likes to be able to interact with her fellow residents in the confines of the facility. They go for walks around the various terraces, and can meet up, socially distanced of course, while picking up mail.

Additionally my Mom’s doctor who, still seems to make house calls, is concerned that my Mom isn’t eating enough. She has lost weight and my brother and I are concerned but need to find a solutions Mom will agree to. My brother is working on arranging bringing in the occasional dinner via Door Dash from restaurants my Mother has gone to in the past. While she has agreed, we have yet to be able to make this work.

I have an Aunt as well, who is in a board and care near where I live. I manage her affairs and she is not in great shape. She has dementia from Alzheimers. She gets a bit belligerent and stubborn. She doesn’t sleep much at night and hasn’t been eating well. It really is time for her to move on, to be honest, but apparently her body isn’t ready yet. She keeps saying she wants to be with her two sisters who have pre-deceased her. Her world has become so small. I used to take her to church once a week, but haven’t been able to since March. I don’t think she really understands what is going on. She needed blood-work done recently and we had to have someone come to the facility to do it. I then had a video appointment with her and her doctor. She didn’t understand who I was talking to. It is quite sad. I feel bad but there isn’t much I can do. My brother and I are her only living relatives at this point. She actually is a cousin of my father’s. Never married. No children. I’m happy I can help in the little ways I do, but I still think it isn’t enough.

Then there is work. My hours have been reduced during the summer. It beats being furloughed or laid off. The college I work for is opening in the Fall. They have to. Students living on campus are the main way to get revenue to keep the college going. The college is working with the county to maintain social distance among staff and students. It will be interesting in late August to see if it works. They will have in person, hybrid, and totally online classes. I don’t know how long I’ll be working at home. Right now I go in once a week for half a day to do the things I can’t do remotely. It is nice to see three or four people, but the mood is… anxious. As with everything these days you can’t look too far ahead because when you do, your mind starts to play games in the “worst-case-scenario” way.

Meanwhile, I’m safe with my husband and daughter. I’m grateful we all like each other. I haven’t been working out as I should. I had tried to run, but that didn’t work. I’m trying to “intermittent fast” these days but can only seem to get up to 14 hours between dinner and breakfast. I’m not really losing but I’m not gaining weight. I have at least tried to walk every few days for an hour. It burns off the stress. I either go in the morning around 7:00 AM or in the evening after 7:00 PM. The days have been warm so this makes it bearable.

My family and my brother’s family have rented a house with a pool in Kenwood near Sonoma, the first week of August. We are hoping that the county will lift the rules long enough for a change of scenery. It would be great to see my brother and sister-in-law, along with my niece and nephew. The kids could all play together too. Fingers crossed it works out. Otherwise, just trying to keep going. One day at a time.

Please share what you are up to in the comments if you made it to the end.

Stay well. Stay safe and wear a mask. The sooner we are all on board wearing masks the sooner we can get through this.

My daughter finished school on June second. She is now a middle schooler. We have no idea how the Fall will go for her. I’m hoping for some in person classes as we are all weary of interacting online.

We were finally able to get together with some friends in our backyard. It was very low key with the kids running around while the adults chatted. We are trying to figure out how to educate our kids about #BlackLivesMatter. The unrest hasn’t affected us directly other than a few nights of curfews since there is always some group who has to take advantage of peaceful protesters especially when they are people of color. I know I’m tired from all the news but I don’t have to live that. I am very aware of my privilege in this situation.

I am heartened though to see so many protesting. Especially so many younger people. I feel like my generation, GenX, has failed. But I see hope in the future with so many protests organized by high schoolers. There was one in San Francisco that was organized by a 17 year old. How incredible is that?! Then another set of teens did a protest on the Golden Gate bridge. Just remarkable stuff.

Meanwhile all I do is tweet (#acme707) and write this blog. Not huge, but baby steps.

It has been a couple of weeks since I last wrote here. I have actually tried to write something multiple times. There have been lots of things going on in the world and with my little family in the last week.

Big things in the world are the continued pandemic, and more recently continued amplification of the racism that infects our country. I am not an expert in those big things. I only know that both are horrible and when we had a different president in this country, the one my daughter was born under in 2009, I had much greater hope around the world she was being born into. Lately though, that hope has been deeply deeply shadowed by the bigotry and racism that still infects this country. Being white, I can’t express the challenges people of color experience. I do see it though. I know I have to be an ally and am trying to find ways to do that. I know though that there are others in this world who are much better voices to listen to. So I try to learn and teach my child of the inequality that is still in this country so that hopefully in her lifetime if not mine, we find a better way.

Small things in our world were the celebration of an 11th birthday including a parade of her friends and family in cars. This was such a success she hopes to have another in the future. I hope next year though we can actually have friends over.

I deleted my Facebook account. I was spending WAAAYYYYY too much time on it and it wasn’t doing anything to improve my mind. Rather it was being an echo chamber to my own beliefs and confusing when others disagreed. The problem with social media is there is very little nuance that you might find from just having a conversation with someone. Oh I do love the pictures of babies, graduations, and various other celebrations. Unfortunately there was so much other stuff. More marketing, and politics that didn’t give nuance. That word again I know. It just became tiresome.

I decided on my blog I could write in a longer form and maybe people would really share their thoughts in comments here. We shall see if it just becomes a smaller echo chamber.

I do have many other things to talk about, but honestly, you are probably experiencing them too. Things like worries about friends or families who are affected by the pandemic be it due to illness, lack of work, lessening of work, or just wondering how you can juggle kids and everything else especially with school out. Or maybe you are struggling with mental health, family issues, domestic abuse, marginalization due to race, ethnicity or religion. There are a lot of things out there right now that have been there for a long time. My only hope is in my small (very small) way, together we can find little answers that hopefully lead to bigger answers. Ghandi marched so that India would be free from British rule 17 years before India found it’s freedom. That was to make salt from the ocean which the British Government didn’t allow. People of peace and justice need to find our salt. Racism, lack of leadership, taxing the rich, these are all very complex issues. I want to find something simple like salt. Maybe just feeding the homeless. It is such a simple yet powerful act. Marching as has been done for George Floyd should also be a simple act, but opportunists on both sides of the law often time don’t make it so simple.

For now I have to think. I will be writing more. My job at the college I work for has been scaled back for the summer. I hope to use some of that time to write more and listen. I hope you will help by asking questions and possibly giving me some ideas of what you want to see.

In the meantime, please stay well, stay healthy. Remember empathy for your fellow humans as all have burdens, but not all are shared.

Two months ago, Friday the 13th in March 2020, we were just learning about going into a Shelter in Place in Contra Costa County. It was supposed to start the following week. My daughter was originally going to have two half days then those went away. I was still working at a small liberal arts college and was soon to find out the college viewed us as essential (that would change the following week). We weren’t wearing masks but we were washing our hands to the point of almost bleeding. It is now two months later. We all wear masks when we go anywhere which is mainly the grocery store, Target, and whatever Starbucks I can find. I’m on Zoom and my daughter is on Zoom and my husband is on Zoom. Heck even my 95 year old mother is learning Zoom with much help from my brother. That said, we all miss seeing people in person.

Summer is four weeks away and all the camps have cancelled. I found one which still was trying to happen, but after talking to many friends and family, we aren’t sure it is the right thing, though I desperately want my kid to physically see and play with someone. You see while school is open, we have some sense of normalcy. We have a rhythm. But once that stops, I’m afraid. How do I keep my kid connected?

I used to be the mom who was all against devices. My kid is a voracious reader and I fed her book habit. Since this pandemic and our sheltering, all my device rules have gone out the window. I’ve even gone so far as to get her a gaming device for her birthday at the end of the month. That was never even a thought before this.

I’m trying to live day by day, but so often I drift. I wonder when I might see my Mom, or my brother again. I don’t even think about going to a restaurant at this point. I like restaurants too. But I’m afraid that is going to be changed for quite some time, and the thought of hanging out with strangers around food, right now doesn’t appeal to me. I do want to walk along a beach. I have hills I could roam near my house but it is also allergy season and unfortunately the grasses have kicked up my seasonal asthma. I’m coughing violently at times before bedtime. I’ve renewed my emergency inhaler. When my husband has awakened in the middle of the night and moved to the guest bedroom in a bleary eyed daze he says I should get tested. But this is allergies.

To appease him I reached out to my doctor about testing saying I don’t think I’m sick but aren’t tests more available? She gave me a number but I hesitate to call. I know there are people out there who really are sick. Who need those tests. Who am I to take them away from them? I’m not worried, but others are. If this is the thing that keeps my child from playing with another in a month or two I will take it, but I’m hoping the allergies will pass.

As with most things, the hardest part is the waiting. The waiting to go back to an office. To visit others. To plan going anywhere! I even plan the grocery store visits these days. During the week is better than the weekend. Morning is easier than the afternoon. I have a hard time planning future trips even for fun, because I don’t know when I will be able to travel. I don’t want to get on a plane until there is a vaccine or the threat has been seriously mitigated. That may be years!

Irony of ironies. Before this I was wanting more time with family. Now I have it. But what to talk about when you don’t see others? My husband and I are looking back at shows we haven’t watched trying to figure what series to look at now since Hollywood is in lockdown as well. I’m finally looking to YouTube for art classes for my daughter. Reading, writing, I should be running but the allergies and breathing are putting a pause on that.

I watch the calendar, knowing I’m paid through May, but wonder what June will bring. Will I be able to go into the office? Will my boss be in the office? Will I keep the same hours? It all starts to make me anxious so I bring it back to today. Even my writing seems to be looping. Haven’t I written about this before? Am I repeating myself again? Who reads this? Does anyone care? Who cares if they care. I feel better writing. Well it would be nice if it helped someone.

This blog is like writing a pen-pal who doesn’t answer. But it is a log. A log that one day I hope to look back on and say, “Hey, I handled that okay. Maybe not perfect, but I did okay.”

I still miss the people though. Hello people! Stay safe! Stay well!

I’ve lost track of time. I know we haven’t quite hit two months in shut down but will probably after the 16th of May. Where I live in California things are still shut down until the end of May. As a parent, all my thoughts are turning to the summer and how to handle social distancing. I suspect I’ll be back at my office in June while my daughter will still be doing school at home. My husband is probably going to be the lone parent at home when that starts as his work is more conducive to being done from home. Also the business he works for encourages that. Mine does not. They are allowing it because of the circumstances. I am truly grateful for a job, but time will tell what that job is.

I really am anxious to get my child back to playing with at least one friend. While I feel as an adult I can deal with the isolation from an intellectual vantage point, my daughter who is 10, doesn’t have that luxury. Mind you she has adapted in an amazing way, but a whole summer without other kids would be brutal.

Most camps we know of have cancelled. I’m still holding out hope for one in June but who knows. We have all shelved any summer travel plans. We hope things may ease enough to take a short road trip somewhere for a week, but that would purely be a change of scenery. We aren’t looking to eat out as we normally would. It would be a lot of self-prepared meals and hopefully travel with another family. But of course those are a lot of ifs.

My in-laws are back in New York and I don’t expect to travel back there this year at all. I don’t really want them to travel here either even if they want to. It just is something that can skip a year. Maybe I’m paranoid and maybe things will change significantly but as of today, I don’t see much travel before mid-2021 at the earliest.

Maybe a road trip but for the time being, that is all I can think about. It seems to be a bit silly to be concerned about travel right now. I know many are out of work. I’m fortunate that both my husband and I still have jobs. This is not lost on me. I know it is going to take years to recover from this economically, but I also realize if we didn’t do this “shelter in place” our state and country would be ravaged even worse than we have been. That too would effect the economy. I also fear for a resurgence of this virus, potentially in a different form in the Fall and Winter. I’m still concerned about my mother who is 95 and is in an even greater restricted lock down at her retirement community. My Aunt with dementia as well. They are both more vulnerable and more bored than I am.

Mostly it is the not knowing how this will play out. I see people protest that they want things opened up. Part of me just says, let them go out there. The rest of us will stay put, thank you very much. You can be our canary in the coal mine. But that is selfish too, as there are those who don’t have a choice. They have to work on the front lines but it in health care, grocery stores, or the post office.

We as a society though need to get our shit together. These white boys with semi-automatic weapons? They need to be arrested. Fine, protest. But you don’t need guns. If you were a person of color you would be locked up. Unemployed? State governments need to call on somebody to let people get through. We can’t go to the offices, and people can’t get through on the phone. I have no idea how it works online. People need to get paid so they can eat.

I know the road ahead is not going to be easy. But we need to get it together as a society. Help each other out. But I fear, the last 3.5 years have pulled us apart more than brought us together. Therein lies the true problem of our current situation.