I tried to ignore this hashtag, but couldn’t. It was long ago. At the time I knew there really was nothing I could do about it without making my own life a living hell. So I stuffed it. I shared my story with some at the time. I remember someone saying he was coming on pretty strong. Yeah… so what could I do? I was young, I flirted, I made a bad decision. We learn from our mistakes right? How many of us learn from our mistakes? I would go around in my twenties trusting people, then not trusting people, then back again. I had to learn boundaries. What could I live with what could I ignore? What couldn’t I ignore? What couldn’t I live with?
Years passed and I moved on. Stories about famous and not so famous people came to light and then receded back into the shadows. It was just as well I didn’t say anything I guess. I learned to play the game. I wasn’t politically savvy enough to position myself quite right. I would speak my mind. I’d be silenced. I tried to be good, I tried to be true to myself. I tried to do the right thing. I always tried to support others. Unfortunately, it was never enough. I never felt like I fit in. I tried to find my own tribe. I did, in fits and starts. But the underlying unfairness of it all gnawed away at me.
My daughter. She is beautiful. She is naive. She is trusting. I fear too trusting. She can be cautious. I don’t want her to feel what I have felt. I don’t want her to doubt herself. I don’t want her to question what she could live with. She should have joy and light and freedom to do whatever she wants as long as she is safe and doesn’t harm herself or others. I would wish that if she were a boy too. But I wouldn’t be quite as afraid. No one should be afraid. No one should have to ask, what can I live with?