I can be a little overly empathetic to a fault. I’ll see a look in someone’s eye and think something may be a bit off. I also have a bad habit of wanting to be a bit of a people pleaser. This, of course, can be problematic sometimes. For example, I recently went to a class where the instructor asked me if it had been overly difficult. I said no as compared to other classes it wasn’t. She, of course, was having a conversation with another classmate, also a friend, who was explaining how sometimes a break was needed from these classes. Here I was in a full-on people pleasing, empathetic quandry. I wanted to be honest but keep both individuals happy. In my defense, it was early, for a Friday, and I hadn’t had my coffee yet. In the end, I probably failed to be helpful and felt crappy for it. But this is the circle I roll in. I like being polite and having people be happy. Most of the time I’m around others who feel this way as well, but on occasion, I find myself in a unique situation. Take for instance a recent ride on BART.
For those not familiar with the Bay Area, BART stands for Bay Area Rapid Transit. It is the way those of us in the East Bay get into San Francisco when we don’t want to drive. On the occasion of this particular ride, my husband and I had gone into the city for a show. It was late-ish, and the train was somewhat crowded.
When faced with such a situation, you look for the open seats. BART in the evenings, and sometimes in the daytime, can come with a variety of individuals. Most people are commuting for jobs, some are going into or coming from the city for entertainment as we were that evening. There were a few seats open so my husband and I grabbed a pair.
Now, I try to be as openminded as I can in the liberal bastion that is the Bay Area, but I will freely admit to not wanting to sit next to someone who smells or may look like they want to be left alone. On this evening, there was a pair of gentlemen who were in the set of four seats that face each other. They were sitting diagonally across from each other so there were two other seats available. I did not sit near them because, well, they had facial tattoos. Now I don’t care what race you are, but if you have facial tattoos, I’m probably going to not sit near you. Does this reflect poorly on my character? Perhaps, but personally, I find those who have facial tattoos as individuals who maybe had some issues in their past. I’m not anti-tattoo. But face tattoos kinda cry “hi, I’m a gang member with a record who may or may not have anger issues”. So yeah, we didn’t sit near these guys. Others on the train stood or found seats elsewhere until we made it to one stop where a younger woman, got on and asked one of these individuals to remove their feet so she could sit in the seat across from him. He did and she sat, but I guess felt that he was… looking at her funny? She begins screaming at him about his face tattoos and they start yelling “bitch” back and forth to each other. My husband and I are relatively close by. The four women across from this threesome are looking at each other anxiously. I think we were all waiting for weapons to come out. As it continued though, something happened. I actually was feeling bad for the face tattoo guy. This woman was just yelling like she owned the place. We finally came to a stop and what apparently was a third friend, gets off the train. We hold at this station for a minute or two and the two other guys end up getting off as well. Now we are left with the woman who starts telling us how she normally isn’t like that. We all nod. Sure…
I was happy to get off the train that night and happy that no weapons showed up, but seriously, if this had gone to court, I think I would be on face tattoo guys side.