When someone is unkind to me, I often just shrug and think, or perhaps hope, they are just having a bad day. But when someone is unkind to my child, it is often a much different reaction. I get angry, but keep it to myself, as often it is another girl. You see my child is just a teen. A kind, quiet teen. She is a great student, loves to read and draw, and run. She has found running to be a great way to manage stress too. When one is a 14 year old girl, there is a lot of stress too. A lot around being who you are as well as who others expect you to be. You know your job is to be a good student and you are. Beyond that though you are still learning.
This past fall, my daughter started high school. She has made a number of new friends, but still tries to hold onto some old ones. Unfortunately her friends are growing up too. Sometimes in this process they are growing away from one another. My child is very loyal though so when this happens and she is overlooked, it can hurt. It would for many adults. But this is how life is. You know this as an adult. Sometimes we grow apart from those we have known for a long time. But as a child growing into adulthood, this is not so clear. Finding out you are not included hurts. Having parents have you work on a grade that dropped, is frustrating. You know this. You know you have to work on it, why do you have to be reminded? And that friend, why didn’t she think you could be there with the others? You know many of them and get along. But this is not what happens.
You as a parent have to suggest but not do. You have to watch and have them learn that they need to take the steps for change. This is a path they need to take. They need to learn what they like and don’t like. What they can do and what makes them smile. But oh, the learning is so hard to watch. Because with learning comes failure. Failure at some things is how we learn. How we all learn. This is when you hope those new friends will reach out and be kind. Be kind when the old ones have turned away. Letting your child know you will always be there, but that you can’t make the friends, they have to do that. You can give them hugs and reassure that the old friends may be there in the future if needed, or not. Only time can tell and only you can choose who you want there in your life. But sweet girl it is all before you and it is your choice. Choose those who are kind. Those who support you when you are sad. Those who don’t look at your moment of sadness as an opportunity to show off themselves, but support you. Some of it is just being young and not knowing any better. But some of it is forgetting to be kind. Sweet girl, look to the ones who are kind, always. Those are your people.