Month: March 2022

It is criminal how much money you have to have to die well in this country. I’m grateful that my Mom set aside money for such things. My Aunt too (Dad’s side). Managing the facilities and resources for these individuals is just exhausting though. I can’t imagine what those with less resources do.

I’m grateful my brother and I are close. We have talked about long term care with my Mom for years. The conversation had come more into play in recent years as she is now 97. The thing is, we thought the end was imminent. My Mom however seems to have other plans. Even after being diagnosed with a life ending heart condition 6 months ago, and suffering a fall almost two weeks ago where she was left for over 12 hours, she still moves forward. She seems to have had a stroke which prevents her from walking and the use of her left arm. She has very limited speech, but continues to show us the lights are on upstairs, even if her body doesn’t know it.

My Aunt on the other hand has Alzheimer’s. She seems to still know me though although she spends most of her time in bed and eating cookies and Ensure for 9 months. She is in a board and care and I pay her fees through her account. In both cases it is a very lonely existence. While I’ve been visiting my Mom daily, I visit my Aunt a couple of times for about 5 minutes a month. Our conversations revolve around the weather. Honestly it is exhausting. While my Mom’s current set of circumstances have recently changed, I feel the same way for her as I do my Aunt. I truly wish they would pass. Painlessly and in their sleep, but the lives they are both living right now are awful. My Mom’s is slightly better because of my brother flying up to visit and my currently visiting daily, but still. This is no life. Bed ridden, with nothing to look forward to.

After my previous post a lot changed. That Sunday night we left Mom around 5:00 PM. That night my brother flew home to Los Angeles, and Monday morning I went to work. Around 11:15 AM, I called my Mom but didn’t get an answer. My brother had put in an Echo with video in her bedroom and an audio echo in her main room. I connected and saw lights on in her bedroom which are typically on in the evening. I also heard voices. I logged out and dialed into the one in the main room. The TV was on. I tried to call to Mom but I was at work and couldn’t really yell. I called my brother to see if he could and if we didn’t get a response we would contact the clinic at her facility. He didn’t and he called the clinic. They sent someone down to her room. They found her on her enclosed balcony. She had been there all night. We had them take her to the hospital. I got in my car and raced over. I live about 45 minutes from her and work about an hour from her.

When I got to the hospital I couldn’t get to her immediately. It probably took 45 minutes all told. When I did get to her she looked pretty banged up. She wasn’t talking. She was under a heat lamp and blanket that warmed her up. When she came in she had been rather cold. She had thrown up and they were concerned she had aspirated. She had bed sores starting from being on the ground so long.

I started to wonder why hadn’t she been checked on? The facility where she lives has little things on the doors that are used to check to see if anyone has come in or out from the previous evening. Her breakfast had been left on the table outside her door, which they did for residents over 90. They used to bring it inside before Covid, but that protocol hadn’t changed yet. Still, they should have checked her around 8:30 AM, but did not. This would have to be followed up at a later time.

I had already spoken to my brother, and he was already planning to fly back up. He would drive directly to the hospital. After wrangling with hospice about a antibiotic for the potential pneumonia from aspirating, I took her off hospice so she could be treated. Nothing major but antibiotics and having 24 hour care in the hospital overnight was completely appropriate right now even if it wasn’t in the hospice formulary. I was angry and frustrated and was having to make decisions I was prepared to make, but truly didn’t want to.

Mom was finally admitted around 7:00 PM and we were in a room around 7:30 PM. My brother arrived at 7:45 PM. While I waited for her, I spoke to a nurse Mom had. Tiara. She spoke of her Mom passing recently. She spoke of making decisions to look at things and why do you do tests if you know how you will react? She helped foment my reasoning for hospice and how to move forward with that decision because of and in spite of this event.

My brother and I spoke. It was after 8:00 PM. He was brought up to speed. He would stay with us as he had before. Tomorrow (Tuesday) we would make the plan and move forward. Tomorrow (3/15) was also my husband’s birthday.

My husband’s birthday is on the Ides of March. I’m always happy that his birthday is a week after mine. I joke that it helps me set figure out what to get him as he sets the scale on my birthday which is exactly a week before.

This year I’m distracted. We have started my Mom on hospice. Her heart issue has started to present some symptoms and I was rather direct with the cardiologist that since we knew what the out come was to be, I wanted to be sure she didn’t hurt. Enter hospice. I’m hoping it will help as an extra set of eyes on my Mom. It is hard to tell from a day to day standpoint, what is going on with her. These days I see her weekly but I feel that isn’t enough. I hate having to hire someone just to have eyes on her, but if we are lucky and find the right person, maybe it will work out. Who knows.

Meanwhile my Aunt with Alzheimer’s continues to linger. Surviving on Ensure and Oreos. She sleeps most of the day and God knows why she is still with us. Her mind is certainly ready, but her body hasn’t given up yet.

On a completely separate note, I ran into someone I went to high school with and with whom I worked at ILM. While I was laid off some 20 years ago she continued with them and is an Executive Producer. She has been very successful and admittedly I’m a bit jealous. I am happy for her. I know she worked very hard to get where she is. She went through a lot and has a lovely family of her own now. We ran into each other visiting our parents at their retirement facility. Had a lovely albeit brief chat. Of course it got me thinking for my 45 minute ride home. I feel there is so much more for me to accomplish in this life, but don’t know how best to go about executing that.

Getting older I now look back and do on occasion wonder what if… Usually it would require me to have worked a lot harder and now, in many ways, I’m not sure how to go back and learn something to make me more successful or useful or just more interesting? I dunno. I’m grateful for the many friends I have who are truly supportive, but feel I need to do something else. I suspect I need to do some work around that.