Hi all. I enjoyed summer in June and July but August has become crazy busy with work and school starting back in person. Grateful to be vaccinated but not going to say life is easier. My Aunt is in hospice, we just celebrated my Mom’s 97th birthday and my father-in-law has had some major health setbacks. Meanwhile, I’m still at my small liberal arts college, but with the pandemic and many changing rules, life continues to be chaotic. Work has been consuming me a bit which lead to a dream the other night that really summed up how I’ve been feeling.
I dreamt I was in a place that was very busy with some new technology. It felt like an airport almost. People would go to a kiosk to get a piece of clothing made. But there are no directions though everyone else seems somehow to know what to do. So you have a number of connecting rooms like a locker room that leads to another locker room but there is this machinery. You are supposed to go to a kiosk and pick what type of piece of clothing you want. So I’m in this area that has coats. Not that I know how I picked it or what I picked but it appears people are having coats made. Some have a beautiful fabric but most are relatively neutral. And I’m fed through this machine that wraps me in fabric and cuts the fabric around me. Then I’m supposed to go to another chute where there is thread which seems to sew the fabric. I keep going through various chutes and yet I don’t know when I’m done. I look down and the “coat” doesn’t seem quite right. It has become quilted almost. I’m in another chute and the women in front of me seem to have the same outer color as mine but with different cuts. Maybe I’m doing this right I think. But my coat is getting thicker. Someone pulls me out of the chute I’m headed to and puts me in another and yet another layer of fabric is put on me. More thread. And it is getting bulky and I wonder when I’ll be done. I see my brother and he has a beautiful coat which isn’t as thick but the fabric is lovely and he has just taken it off and put it to the side, but I’m still wrapped in mine. I come to a place where everyone is taking off their coats and I take mine off and the fabric of my clothing has somehow gotten caught up and sewn into the thick coat. It has so many layers and is just a mess. It has ruined the clothes I was wearing underneath and pulled everything apart. How is it that everyone has come out of this with a beautiful coat and mine is just so many layers of fabric with no cohesion or beauty. It has actually ruined the clothes I’m wearing. And this is how I feel. I have a job, which I do, but it isn’t working. It is ugly and tearing me apart underneath. I don’t know how to switch to something better. I just want to be out of the machine. I want to do something else but how do I do that?