Month: March 2018

Agreeing to disagree

Today I was asked what I write about.  This is always a hard question for me, though it shouldn’t be.  Is my blog a journal? God, I hope not.  I said I like to write about things going on in the world, but I like to keep it positive.  There is enough negativity in the world I don’t need to add to it.  I like to be part of the solution, not the problem, even though I have yet to find a cure for cancer or global warming.  You see I believe kindness needs a voice.  In a world where so many feel alone or angry, where being loud or vocal gets the attention, I want a place where I can quietly contemplate and hopefully start meaningful discussions.

Recently I’ve been off Facebook (though admittedly I’ve cheated by peeking occasionally).  But being off has given my brain a rest from the hamster wheel of information.  I still like seeing what friends are up to, but I don’t miss the one-sided political talk.  We as a nation have lost our ability, it would seem, to have a reasonable conversation.  I want to hear about things from those who I don’t agree with.  If I’m living in a vacuum of opinions that are only like mine, I wonder why things can’t be the way I would like them.  After all, the rest of the world apparently agrees with me, or so says my Facebook feed most of the time.  How do we fix that algorithm to improve the conversation?  Now I’m not going to say I’m suddenly going to agree with you, but maybe if we talk and compromise, we can come to a mutually agreeable solution.  What would be so wrong about that?

There are certain topics of course that seem to polarize.  Abortion springs to mind.  But just as not everyone agrees, most agree we should have less and perhaps that is the starting point.  Instead of people getting upset about guns being taken away, maybe we could agree that assault rifles aren’t something that everyone needs access to.  I’m not a fan of guns in general, but hey, if someone wants to hunt for sport and dinner, well I suppose I could live with that.  I suspect those who do hunt aren’t doing it with AR15s.  But maybe we could start a conversation.  Find the things we have in common.  You like nature, I like nature.  You have kids, I have kids.  Maybe we could start there? Feel free to join the conversation.  Just do so courteously.  That is all I ask.  You don’t have to agree.  We can always agree to disagree after all.

What is old?

I recently went to my Aunt’s 90th birthday party.  She is 3.5 years younger than my Mom.  Out of her three sisters, my aunt has the most ailments, but the best attitude.  My Aunt doesn’t drive anymore as she is legally blind and deaf in one ear.  My mother is about to give up driving since her vision is finally failing.  She has trouble reading too, but reminds me that it is perfectly legal to drive as long as you can see out of one eye.  I haven’t exactly checked that on Snopes.com yet.

I’m on Quora and a question came up recently that asked is 40 old?  Being 50, I found this rather amusing.  Sure 40 is old, if you are 7.  When you are 50 and you hear people gnashing their teeth about turning 40, you giggle a little.  See while many were off having kids in there 20s and 30s, I didn’t have mine until I was 42.  Not terribly unusual in 2009, but in 1967 when my Mom had me at 42, it was a bit more unusual.  Especially for your first child.

My husband’s parents had him in their early 20s, so he has a much different view on parenting.  He worries about being too old.  I don’t.  When I was younger, I worried about being too young to parent.  The irony that I ended up having a child at the same age as my mother had me is not lost.  I may have married earlier than her, but for various reasons, did not have a child until I was older.

Age is a funny thing.  Society used to look at older being wiser.  The working world seems to avoid embracing older workers.  Perhaps because technology is changing so rapidly and it can be a challenge to keep up.  But what I think gets lost in an age of technology is perspective.  Various people have various perspectives on age.  The young may want things to be fresh and new.  The older may want things to be more reliable and intuitive.  Both have their place.  One does not need to supersede the other.

The funny thing about age is when you are younger, time seems to be eternal.  But as we age it starts to fly.  Our children grow up so quickly.  We don’t feel older and yet those around us who used to be older are suddenly looking much younger.  Doctors especially! Applying to a tech startup when you are over 40 often feels daunting especially if you are trying to keep up with technology.

The one comforting thought though, is that we all age with each passing minute.  Some may have better genes than others that make it look a bit more graceful.  I find that when I eat well and exercise, much as I wish I didn’t have to, I do feel and look better.

Yesterday, while watching the Oscars I saw many different aged celebrities.  I was truly happy to see Frances McDormand won the Oscar.  Here is an actor who has embraced who she is and not try to look 20 years younger all the time.  She speaks her mind and is true to herself and her family.  THAT is how I want to age.  Not wrapped up in Botox or plastic surgery.  I want an actor, male or female who can show emotion on their face.  I want beauty to include wisdom and maybe a line or two.  I look to my Mom and Aunts as inspiration as to aging gracefully and staying who they are each and every step of the way.  Now how can I start a hashtag and a movement for this?