November 2017 – LadyACME

Keeping up Elf Appearances

I don’t generally consider myself vain. I’m a certain number of pounds overweight. Always have been. I work out regularly yet like food. I color my hair because society doesn’t like gray hairs, especially when you are looking for work. My child goes to a small private K-8 school because it is Catholic and that is what I am. I didn’t want to have to figure out the logistics of getting her to a weekly catechism class but preferred the idea of it being built in. Also, I was trying to avoid that horrid transition to middle school down the line. Lots of reasons that just worked for our family.

But as time goes by I find myself concerned about appearances in the oddest ways. It is the holidays and we celebrate Christmas. There is this doll that is called Elf on the Shelf that some families put out this time of year. For most, it started when they had little kids. An elf to keep an eye out for Santa to see if kids were good or not. We can all use some help this time of year in motivating positive kid behavior. Some parents would move it. Some kids even got little treats. Personally, I knew my aging brain would not be able to keep up and I didn’t have an end plan so just told my kid she was so good Santa didn’t send an elf to keep an eye on her.

But kids get older, as do parents. We all change. I so want to hold onto some of the magic of Christmas. My child hasn’t quite figured out the deal with Santa yet. I suspect though she is somewhat like me in this area. She doesn’t want to knock a good thing so won’t fess up to it if she has doubts. I was that kid. I milked it for a while. So why not ask about an elf? Hey her friends have it. She wants to feel special because she thinks having that elf is special. And what parent doesn’t want to make their kid feel special? Sure I do. But why?

The holidays, at least Christmas, in theory, is supposed to be about the birth of Christ. Over the years we have added Santa Claus from St. Nicholas. The history of how we moved from St. Nicholas to the current Santa Claus is very interesting and can be found here. The whole Elf on the Shelf is just another marketing tool for someone, certainly not parents, to make money. (Heck Elf on the Shelf got so popular they now have Mensch on a Bench for those who are Jewish. Talk about managing your market.)

I realize this sounds rather cynical, and I don’t deny that the idea of a toy watching kids when they are little isn’t fun (or creepy, but mainly fun). But as things happen these days we seem to go for the gadget to get to the lesson. I think Santa has held on for so long because who doesn’t want a little magic in their life? Also, kids could wait a month. Now though we have instant gratification. 30+ days of Christmas. The elf goes along with that. At least it gets it down to 24-hour behavior.

Our society is more secular now though, for better or worse. Our customs are adjusting to that. Some choose to believe that Christmas is remembering the birth of Christ and some choose to look at it as a holiday to share gifts and decorate trees. Whatever the motivation it should be a good thing that we are being kind to one another.

But many get sad or depressed during the holidays. It has become such a competition on many levels. I have to remind myself constantly why I celebrate. I fear this is what gets lost. The story of Jesus still has resonance today. A small family who maybe didn’t plan ahead for a trip get caught in a city with all the housing sold out. Not even an AirBNB option. Still an innkeeper seeing that the woman is heavily pregnant at least can provide a warm and dry place. No fancy accommodations here. But since “religion” often uses stories to push an agenda, faith doesn’t. I think this is what we forget. Christmas is about faith. Faith and hope. Hope for things to get better. People to be kinder. To learn. To change. Not always for the better and often with many missteps. Some people are better at change than others. Some use their money, power, influence to help but many don’t. This is what has happened even to Christmas.

So if you wonder why I don’t have an elf, it isn’t because I think I’m too good for it. Really I’m just lazy. And honestly, I’m kinda wanting to get back to that story about a baby in a manger, though I could also do with some new slippers.

Sometimes it feels hard to be Thankful.

Thanksgiving is actually one of my favorite holidays. Mostly because I get to hang out with family, eat, and not have to worry about gifts. Halloween is a bit overstimulating for me and Christmas, well, it has become so commercial. It is hard to get on board with not giving gifts at all. Especially when you have kids. Thanksgiving though is eating and talking, and enjoying each other’s company.

Now I won’t lie. Last year was a bit rough. It was right after the election. We had gone back East to visit family and let’s just say, we weren’t on the same page. Fortunately, we got the big argument out of the way via Skype before Thanksgiving. We also had snow which for this native Californian and my daughter, was pretty cool. This year we are staying put and the family we are hanging with are more like-minded politically. Still, it feels a bit harder this year to be Thankful.

We have seen hurricanes, earthquakes, fires and multiple mass shootings. It seems sexual harassment has finally made the front page in Hollywood. The rich are getting richer and the poor seem to be getting poorer thanks to some of the rich. Those of us in the middle are just trying to hang on. I’m still not working though I’d like to. Unemployment is low, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t still struggling to make ends meet.

I’ve had friends who have lost people close to them because of illness, addiction, or suicide. People are struggling and we don’t have leaders who help build us up and together but rather name call and tear us apart. I’m not saying the past has been perfect, but between Mother Nature, technology, and the current political climate, it feels like life is just a bit meaner. A bit harder.

But I’m not one who likes to dwell on the negative even when it feels like it is swirling around me. I try very hard to look for the good. After all, I’m raising a child in this world today and it is important to me that she sees the good and the hope. I seem to find this mostly close to home in my family and neighborhood. The guy at the grocery store who goes to grab something at the same time as me but then gives it to me. The person who greets my Aunt with Alzheimer’s when we are at church, even though I’m in a rush to get her back home. The kid who comes over for a playdate with my daughter and lets her go first on what to play at. The friend who thinks of me when a possible job opportunity arises. Heck, even the woman at the stop sign who waves me to turn first even though she got there first. When I look at these, I remember that we are all trying to do our best with what we have.

The holidays can get crazy. It often feels like we are being pulled in too many directions. I find it really important though to slow down and be grateful for the ordinary, the day to day. The husband who actually cleans the shower for me among many other things that I don’t always say thank you for.

Life is what we make it. Maybe from the little things, we can grow to be grateful and teach those around us how to be grateful too. Maybe that will cascade to the rest of the world. Maybe. But we won’t know unless we try.

I don’t get it…

I am not a gun owner. I grew up in a home where we were pretty hot-headed and having a gun around would not have been a good idea. Also we didn’t hunt. I prefer my meat under saran wrap. Not going to argue that one. That said, I realize there are responsible gun owners out there. People who hunt, and maybe have a handgun. I don’t understand why anyone would have an automatic weapon or semi-automatic weapon unless they are in law-enforcement or the military. And then I suspect they don’t keep them at home.

You also have people with mental health issues in this world. I personally suffer from depression and count that as another good reason not to have a gun around. I get that there are people who no matter what the law says will go out and break it. They can steal guns. But does all this mean we shouldn’t strengthen laws?

In 1995 Timothy McVeigh blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City, OK. He used fertilizer as part of the home-made bomb built in a truck. He was arrested later for having an unlicensed gun. Ironic.

In 2001, of course, we had the attack on the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and almost the US Capitol. The world is still trying to figure out how to manage that one. We have security we have to go through to get on flights which limit us to the forms of liquid we can carry or the shoes we wear.

Meanwhile, children get shot in schools, adults get mad at co-workers and shoot them. Someone decides to open fire at various concerts and yet we can’t manage to strengthen gun-laws because of the second amendment? Our constitution has been amended on multiple occasions. In some cases twice on the same issue (hello prohibition?). But we still have a group of people out there who think limiting weapons that were meant to kill PEOPLE are a bad thing. Why is this so damn difficult? You have to be a certain age to drive or buy cigarettes or alcohol. You aren’t supposed to drink and drive. Why is it even permissible for anyone to own multiple weapons? Why is it possible for anyone to buy a semi-automatic or automatic weapons? Sure it varies by state at which speed you can buy this stuff but how is it ever this easy? What am I missing here?

Feeling blocked

I wish I could just blame it on writer’s block. But these days it feels like life block. I want to write things that are uplifting but I’m not quite there. I’m having the challenge of not working for over a year. Yes, it was by choice that I left my last job, but somehow I thought I’d be back to work by now.

I like people but can be a bit reserved getting to know them. I’m an introvert though, those who have known me for any length of time might think otherwise. See once I feel comfortable, I may not shut up. Else, I kinda keep to myself. Groups over maybe eight people, intimidate me. I can do small-talk, but I often need a week to recover afterward.

Then there is the constant barrage of news these days of sexual harassment, particularly in Hollywood. It is so depressing since so many fun things can come out of such a creative place. One of my desires as a kid was to work in Hollywood behind the scenes. I didn’t want to be “famous”, I just wanted to work with creative people. I was fortunate enough to do so in my younger years. I miss that very much. It isn’t as if people can’t be creative in other fields too though. I worked at a National Lab for 12 years as an operational support person. But much of the science was WAAAYYYY over my head. I like stories. I like stories about people and their complexities. Science is great and explains much in this world. But there is more to the world than science too.

I want to see more art and storytelling valued. I love to read but am not the fastest reader in the world. Never have been. I like to know what moves people. I don’t want to just hear about the latest technology. Much of it is interesting, but I am the type of person who generally just wants to know the time, not how the clock is built.

So here I sit, at my keyboard. I have been searching for a job that brings joy to the world. That opens the mind to other ideas. One that looks at how something makes someone feel. One that pays okay wouldn’t hurt either. One that can let me see my husband and daughter in the evening at dinner. I wouldn’t mind traveling occasionally. I’m good at keeping things humming along. But I need a purpose outside of my family. My family is a fantastic purpose, but it would be nice to contribute financially too. I’m trying to make that happen, but the universe doesn’t seem to think it is my time yet. I wish it would give me a hint when that might happen.

Not feeling clever

Some days, heck some weeks, it is harder for me to write. I want to be clever. I want to make people laugh, but I get hung up on the hamster wheel that is my brain.

Then I just stop. I don’t get off I just stop. I don’t know where to go. I need to change the narrative of course, but trying to be clever, or even just honest, can be challenging. I’ll write and delete. I had items around Halloween, parenting, the non-stop candy. But I’m not focused. I’m not completing tasks. This drives me bonkers and drives me to go back to looking for a “normal” job. I love being creative, sharing stories, putting my spin of life out there in an ever more argumentative world. I know it sounds sappy as all get out, but I really do want to add a little joy to the world. It is just sometimes my brain gets in the way. What do you do to break out of this mode? Any constructive advice appreciated.